Thursday at the Ace Cafe

Today's new thing was getting the 112 bus from Ealing to the world-famous Ace Cafe on the old North circular road. Again, ridiculously out of place, I turned up with my clean-cut colleague to a cafe full of bikersin celebration of my colleague's birthday. We ate mash and pie, punctuated by trips to the bar - one of which the bloke in front of me ordered: "two pints of Stella and some marijuana" - and my constant need to go to the toilet. Four trips, while none of my colleagues needed to go at all.....

Wednesday and the Grand Union Canal

Yesterday's new thing was going for a run around the streets of Olde Hanwell (I know you thought I was going to stop after the word "run"). Such a lovely part of Hanwell, and that's quite a juxtaposition of words. But then you get down to the canal, and besides the water being full of crap and other items which defy explanation - how do you get a chemical toilet into the canal? - there's lots of dodgy hoodie types congregating down there and flicking things into the water. There are people going past on bikes, while either talking on the phone or listening to music, and there are people lurking under bridges. So I got fed up with this (and am incredibly unfit), so I headed up one of the roads off the towpath to see where it went. Hell is the answer. I emerged in the middle of what looked like a disused post-apocolyptic industrial estate, with flytipped sofas, tyres and black bin bags EVERYWHERE. Which led on to the road opposite mine. £1,400 council tax a year!

Tuesday

Today's new thing was taking a stroll down the Grand Union Canal towpath in the general direction of London, past a canal boat called (much to my amusement) Meinzapint, and towards the lake. Lovely,. Don't know why I don't do this more often.

Monday

I was spotted yesterday by my colleague while doing my new thing. I was on my way home, so I went down a side road which took me among some enormous houses round the back of Uxbridge Golf CLub. Both my colleague and I are struggling to find out the name of the place where he saw me.

Sunday

Yesterday's new thing was going to Tesco in Wembley on the way back from my friends' house after quite a heavy night of drink and metal to satisfy the post-drinking munchies.

Since that's not very exciting, I'm now going to shamelessly rip off my friend Nick's blog where he gives a NIck Hornby-style run down of his top gigs.

In no particular order, mine are:
Every single Levellers gig I've ever been to.
Damien Rice at both Glastonbury and the Pilton Party in 2003
Muse -Reading 2006 (Could not believe my boyfriend dragged me away before the end so we could catch the train home!)
Arctic Monkeys - also Reading 2006 - think they were on just before Muse actually.
Van Morrison at Exeter University in 1994 or maybe 1995
Manic Street Preachers - Glastonbury 2003
Suede at Exeter University in 1994 and also at the Pilton Party in 2002
Judge Jules at a club in Shibuya, Tokyo in 2002
Coldplay at Glastonbury 2005
The Pogues at Cardiff 2005 and Brixton Academy 2006

I'll stop there.......

Saturday

New thing for Saturday was going to the Fat Cat Club in Northampton ready for a night out after wasting two hours of my life watching a disappointing England v Israel game. After a few sherries in the Fat Cat, my friend Simon wanted to go to a rock pub called King Billy's (against his wife Kate's wishes - she said there was no soap dispenser in the toilets). I have never felt so out of place in my life. Surrounded by biker types and rock chicks, I must have been the only girl in there who didn't have my boobs tattooed (tat for tit?). My friend wasn't too amused by my requests for a cocktail, and bought Scrumpy Jack, which then meant that my boyfriend and I started singing loudly to the live band doing covers of Black Sabbath and Motorhead. Not so out of place after all, then, ha!

Saturday

New thing for Saturday was going to the Fat Cat Club in Northampton ready for a night out after wasting two hours of my life watching a disappointing England v Israel game. After a few sherries in the Fat Cat, my friend Simon wanted to go to a rock pub called King Billy's (against his wife Kate's wishes - she said there was no soap dispenser in the toilets). I have never felt so out of place in my life. Surrounded by biker types and rock chicks, I must have been the only girl in there who didn't have my boobs tattooed (tat for tit?). My friend wasn't too amused by my requests for a cocktail, and bought Scrumpy Jack, which then meant that my boyfriend and I started singing loudly to the live band doing covers of Black Sabbath and Motorhead. Not so out of place after all, then, ha!

Friday

The first new thing of the day was going into a bakery in Rickmansworth I've never been into before to fetch a "bread bun" for my colleague. (And got a withering look for querying what a bread bun was exactly). The other new thing was going to a Chinese Restaurant called Lotus Garden in Earl's Court with my boyf, my dad and my dad's boss. Very nice food, lovely staff and entertainment in the form of the man at the next table who kept falling asleep...

Thursday

Last night’s new thing was turning left a turning ahead of where I should have in Earl’s Court, so driving down a couple of residential streets that I’d never been to before. That coupled with a visit to Tesco, also in Earl’s Court, as I needed to pick up some ingredients for my sister’s boyfriend. These ingredients were then magiced into amazing food - delicious!

Mooncup - oh, and Wednesday

Yesterday's new thing has to remain a little mysterious to protect the identities of the innocent, but involved a pub called the Good Companion, a big hat, and the namesake of a DJ. And paying more tax thanks to Gordon Brown. But I'll save that rant for another time, except to say that his "tax cut" won't actually make the slightest bit of difference to most people, as he failed to mention that he'sabolished the lower rate of 10 % and played around with National Insurance. What a con!

In other news - If you're a boy, stop reading now - I have recently decided to sell the Mooncup to every woman I know as I am so pleased with mine! It's a reusable cup which you can use again and again instead of tampons. It's cheap and environmentally friendly - every woman should have one!

Tuesday

Managed to kill no birds with one stone today. I have been distracted all day by the horrendous smell of my new deodorant, so thought I would nip into the pharmacy in Harefield as my new thing also get something more sweet-smelling for my armpits. Except when I went into the pharmacy, I had a total senior moment, and couldn't remember what I was in there for - much to the amusement of the shop assistant.

Monday

After debating with myself as to whether getting inside my closet could qualify as today's new thing, I realised that my new thing has been driving around in a new 07 plate car all day! Also, could I really come on here and say that I'd come out of the closet? Besides which, after reading this "story" on the hilarious www.newsbiscuit.com I wonder if there's anyone out there reading this blog????

Here is newsbiscuit article:
"Blogger worried he is just talking to himself
A young man has abandoned his weblog after coming to the conclusion that no one was interested in the every day details of his life.
‘I was really excited when I started my blog’ says computer repair specialist Aaron Bagshot. ‘I felt really amazing to think that I was sharing my life and thoughts with millions of people. That all around the world people were reading the everyday details of my life. Except that they weren’t.’
After that Aaron’s blogging started to become more infrequent. ‘It was a bit like I was just talking to myself. I was pouring my heart out, there was some really heartbreaking stuff, my acne, my high scores, my search for a lady. But no one was commenting, no one was reading, I might as well have just announced things to an empty room.’
Aaron has since deleted his blog and has taken to searching out people that will respond to his posts in forums instead. ‘No luck yet, but it’s early days…’"

Sunday

The power of sat nav again! Taken down a couple of streets in East London that I've never been to before while dropping my boyf to his house. He had the family there, and with it being Mother's Day, I made a hasty exit...

Saturday

New thing today was going to a restaurant in Chinatown that we'd never been to before. Won't be going there again, either! Mardy waitress who didn't take our order for ages and then wiped our table while we were still eating, then adds £3.50 to the bill for service. I removed it, and left £1 (STILL feeling guilty about this, but would she have actually been the recipient of the tip?). Forgot about the incident when Ireland lost out on winning the Six Nations because of a dodgy France try right at the end of their game against Scotland.....The other new thing was that my housemate WENT OUT. Since I have lived in the house, there has only been ONE other occasion when she's not been there watching TV.

Friday

Went to Halfords in Workington for a fuse for my car, and other new thing was a kindly toll operator letting me pay £1.24 for the £1.30 Wallasey tunnel, as I didn't have any more change and they don't take credit cards! Other new thing was noticing that the smart M6 toll road has smart new service stations, and the toll there DOES take credit cards!

Thursday

Today's new thing entailed going to one of the Tescos in Bristol as I was convinced that I knew the answer to the quiz currently running on Orchard Fm, and pulled over in Tesco so I could call and win a much-needed £170! No call credit on my phone, of course, so I ran into Tesco to charge the phone up, also needed some deodorant and some nibbles for my journey up north. By the time I came out, I had to sit through Mika (Grace Kelly), and some crud by Take That, then noticed the sat nav as giving my ETA in Blackpool as 2.15pm, even though my meeting was at 2pm. I didn't win the £170, didn't even try :( Had meeting in Blackpool, then proceeded to my hotel in St Bees. What a lovely place, right by the sea (don't look at Sellafield to your left, and ignore the racial abuse I received at the hands of some 9-year-olds).

Wednesday

As I was in Yeovil to see the doctor and go to hospital, my new thing today was buying something "Purdy" to cheer myself up. I also went into a bakery in Sherborne, as there was a sign on the door saying "freshly filled sandwiches", but inside not a sandwich to be seen! The woman behind the counter gave me such a scowl for coming in and out without buying anything that I thought I should immortalise it here as a new thing. Scary.

Tuesday

Today's new thing was driving into Membury Services on the M4 on the way back to the office after a meeting in Swindon. This is a shocking admission, as Membury used to be within my patch when I was a local newspaper reporter.....what's even more shocking is that there was a guy in the car park who winked at me. I looked at my feet, and decided to get back into the car and drive off. There's another service station a couple of junctions along, and I thought I could pick up a copy of the newspaper that I used to work for. When I got there, who was in the car park, but Winky Winkerson? Perhaps the poor guy had a facial tic.

Monday

Ran into a corner shop I'd never been to in Harefield simply to do something new.

Sunday

New thing for today was going into my boyfriend's Grandma's garden to meet various members of his family. Our new thing was actually meant to be going to a boot sale at 7am, but we were both extremely hungover and didn't get out of bed until 12, much to his mother's annoyance. One of my boyf's cousins made a special collage of all his grandmother's grandchildren, and wanted a picture of he and I for this project. Now, I call that commitment, and may have freaked out a little bit. I blame the aforementioned hangover for the other new thing I did - thinking I was incredibly clever for hitting the road back home while everyone would be indoors watching the rugby, I took a short cut off the M25, and through...................Twickenham! Just as the England v France match was ending and all the rugby fans were getting into their 4x4s to leave the stadium. In all, my journey home took four and a half hours.

Saturday

New thing for today was being taken through the streets around Pentonville by the sat nav en route to my boyfriend's village after the Ireland v Scotland rugby match.

Friday

New thing today was going into a hotel called the London Lodge in Earl's Court while en route to my sister's house for a takeaway. Also called in at a Co-op on Caledonian Road that I'd never been to before for a few bottles of Magners.

Thursday

New thing for today was driving around Altrincham. I was intending to go into a pub called the George and Dragon, but remembered that I'd been here before - I wouldn't have noticed if it weren't for the fact that last time, I got electrocuted on the switch you press to open the car park barrier. So my new thing was heading into Tesco (sorry) where the checkout lady started reading my newspaper while I was buying it.

Wednesday

I had a meeting in Preston in the morning - had been there before, but my afternoon meeting was cancelled, giving me the opportunity to explore the town centre. While I was there, I thought I might as well have my hair cut, so my new thing today, as well as going into the town centre, was going to a hair salon, where an enigmatic Texan, known locally as the "Cowboy" cut my hair. The other new thing was going to Manchester, and staying in a hotel which I'd never been to before.

Tuesday

New thing today was arriving at a hotel on the outskirts of Preston, pretty standard affair, with a room like any other. But then - I went to the restaurant for some fish and chips or similar, and had the most amazing and unprecedented meal of swordfish and fruity rice. I could not believe it!

Monday

I'm not very proud of the new thing I did yesterday, as it was not very good for the environment, so I'm going to use a diversion tactic and post an email I received about my friend's prolific bottom. This is the man who closed the Petronas Towers in Malaysia with a particularly toxic bowel movement, and who almost caused a diplomatic incident by using the unisex toilets at his place of work and making a large deposit.

This is his email about his recent move to Australia:
"Had my first encounter with a deadly spider. I was reading a newspaper while having a dry run on the toilet the other night when I saw this thing crawl up the wall making its way to a hole in the ceiling. I screamed like the girls blouse that I am ( the kind of blouse you can only buy from one of those big boned womens clothes shops thats how big a pussy I am). Well anyway I degress. Anyway my screams attracted the attentions of my wife and son (who was asleep). The wife wasn't impressed when she found me outside the toilet pointing and panting with with pantsaround my ankles (the newspaper covered my modesty). Duly unimpressed my unAustralian show unmanlayness (is that a word?) she left me to deal with the problem. The Spider. I decided to pull up my trousers ( in the metephorical sense as well) and get on with the task of slaying the beast which was slowly making its escape into a hole in the ceiling. I checked around the toilet for weapons to take down the trouble maker who caused me much grief.
Toothpaste. No, to slow to come out and I would have to get up close to the spider.
Nivea for men roll on deodorant. Damn me for switching from Lynx Africa Spray the Gattling Gun of Spider take downs.
Toilet brush. Don't want shite on the floor and the ceiling.
Damn, what was I to do??
Yes (light bulb pings above head moment) THE NEWSPAPER!
Well anyway to cut a long story short I swatted it with the newspaper. I looked down at the sorry animal that moments before had tormented me, my family and the Australian way of life. Maybe it was taking some food back to its family? Poor little bugger. Such a noble graceful monster. I deicded that the only way to treat it with respect was to give it a funeral at sea with full military honours. So I chucked it down the pan and had a shit on top of it.
In other news I nearly told a disabled kid at school to walk properly ( I didnt realise he had rickets or polio I thought he was taking the piss)."


Now that's distracted you from my new thing, it was going to the rubbish dump in Harefield to dispose of my TV. Shame on me.

Sunday

I totally forgot about doing anything new today on account of being tired. All right, so not tired, but hungover. I drove my boyf home, in the sense that he drove, and I fell asleep after barking backseat driver instructions at him, and he took me to part of his villlage called Potterne Street. Very scary. And I'm still talking about his driving.

Saturday

A veritable smorgasbord of new things for young me today. My boyf and I have decided that we're not going to commit ourselves to the financial millstone to buy an overpriced, undersized shoebox in London, but are going to look further north in Leicester (my birthplace - shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh). Now, for our budget, we're looking at studio flats in London, but in Leicester, for the same price, we can afford a three bedroom house, with kitchen, and bathroom and other good things! So we started by looking at a three-bed house, which we didn't like too much, and not only because one of the vendors' children kept staring at me. By the time we got to the third house of the day, we decided that we wanted four bedrooms, a swimming pool and two gundogs. Spoilt, is what we are. Other new things included going to a Japanese restaurant run by Chinese people in Braunstone Gate and driving avoiding the pools of standing water.

Friday

Today's new thing was going into Rickmansworth library at lunchtime. Libraries used to be my favorite places as I couldn't believe you could access tonnes and tonnes of books for free. Now they don't have books in them, and these days I struggle to believe that you can check t'internet for free. Usually between a man with unkempt hair who smells faintly of wee and a foreign exchange student. I didn't do any of this in Rickmansworth though, because my phone rang while I was in there.

Thursday

Was so busy at work and with other Margey things today, that I had to put aside my new thing for the day until the evening. I was early for my evening appointment in Reading, so drove around the library car park in Woodley, and logged that as my new thing. However, after my appointment, I got back in the car, and noticed that my car was running on pure fumes - no diesel at all!

The funny thing was that about 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend's engine exploded (I mean his car engine), and he had forgotten to charge his mobile, so his parents and I feared the worst when at 2am he still hadn't turned up. So there was no way I could break down, as I had left my phone under my pillow (it serves as an alarm too - I don't believe in the phone fairy).

Had to turn the radio off (but left the headlights on, you'll be pleased to hear) and entrusted the lifesaving sat nav to find me the nearest petrol station. It did. Except it was in the other direction. As was the next one I tried, and the next. So the fourth one was 5 miles away, but in the right area. It was off the A404, and totally off the beaten track - hidden away on a side road, so as I feared, it was closed as it was now 10.30pm. I rolled most of the way back to the motorway and luckily came across another petrol station, baffling the sales assistant as to why I was so pleased to see her. I *may* also have kissed a packet of wotsits out of relief in the shop.

Wednesday

New thing today was dropping my colleague off at his house, necessitating a turn off the A40 that I'd never been down before. And a lot of lip biting to stop myself reacting to his comments about my driving! Had hoped that my new thing would be seeing a new part of the gym that I go to, but you have to pay to get from bit to bit.

Tuesday

New thing today was turning off the road to work down a cul-de-sac. Total waste of time as I couldn't then turn right back onto the road that I'd just come off.